Progress... it's a personal thing

When I had numerous people ask me if I was going to take before and after pictures from my training, I was a little confused to be honest. When I asked why, they simply asked me, well don't you want to see your progress? Hmm. well, I don't exactly have a good answer for that one.

You see, progress is such a personal thing, so subjective. It's not about a physical appearance. When you're doing something to make yourself better, only YOU will know when you finally "see" improvements. For me, it was more about sheer strength and stamina. Everyone has this misconception that the smaller you are, the faster you'll go, and that's not necessarily the case. I grew up in a sport that was surrounded by negative stereotypes and images, and often got a bad rep for itself. I never really understood it, until I got to college.

When I cheered allstars, the extent of size was the littler girls flew, the taller girls backspotted, and the STRONGER girls based. not the "bigger" girls. It wasn't a size breakdown/analysis. It's just how things went. No one got a complex from it, we just knew it was how the system worked. It was literally like a puzzle, and everyone had a piece where they fit, with a very important role to play to hold it all together. Now in college? it was more like trying to fit a round peg in a square hole... or more like trying to squeeze the wrong girl into the wrong uniform. I could now see where the complex came from, and I didn't like where it was heading.

While cheering at SRU,I was always referred to as "the fetus"... which I grew to hate. It was because I was the smallest one, and here once again came a misconception that smaller was better. I knew it was my technique that made me good, but I sometimes got lost in the comments and the crap and eventually was convinced it was my size that made me good. So I stopped lifting, and just focused on cardio. I wanted to stay as slim as my coach needed me to. I didn't want to "bulk up" from lifting, which as an AT, I KNOW that's not how that works, but try letting common sense, and actual knowledge overcome the pressure of a coach. Let me tell you, it's impossible.

Once I was done cheering, it was like an instant light bulb. I finally could see clearly that listening to that crap was stupid. I know it sounds so cliche, but I could finally understand that strong really was the new skinny. Instead of aiming for the skinny, unrealistic body image of someone like a Victoria Secret model, I was aiming to be strong, to let that six pack show, to have people jokingly ask to put my guns away. I finally was aiming for healthy, which in and of itself is subjective, which is where I go back to talking about progress. My goal in all of this was to be strong enough to make it 13.1 miles. It was a mental, physical, and emotional training regimen. I don't run to lose weight. I don't run to "get skinny". I run because I can, because it's something I can do that is mindless and is an escape for me, and is oddly euphoric. I run because it's something that I can do that I only compete with myself. Maybe it's selfish, or maybe it's smart. And more importantly, now I will be doing it to benefit those who can't run. So it's not about "getting fit". It's about being strong.  Being able to stay committed to the training, get through the race, and raise some money for those who need it along the way.

I don't just run, I lift. I strengthen my body to be strong enough to withstand the stress and the pounding of running. Yes, I am officially a girl that lifts. You'd be amazed at what a difference it makes in my running. And you know what? I love it. I love being sore, I love feeling myself get better, get stronger.


I did take pictures before and after my training. More so for personal measure than anything. Ya'll make look at this and see no difference in the 3 months I trained, but I can tell you, I FEEL a difference. I feel so much stronger, so much healthier, and honestly? so much happier.

If there's anything ya'll take away from this, I hope it's that you don't compare yourself to others, and that you don't listen to what they have to say. Set goals for yourself, know what YOU are aiming at. Know your milestones, and take pride in them. Even if it's the little things. I celebrated when I ran 7 miles, because it was officially the longest I had run, and then again when I ran 10, because I hit double digits. I celebrated when I officially squatted more than I weighed, considering when I was in college I would never have even thought about squatting with weight.
Know what you want to see, how you want to feel. Tuning out the rest of the world is one of the best things I've ever done, and I can assure you, it will be worth it.